I saw her at the supermarket. She was standing with a group of people dancing and acting silly without caring who was looking. She was so light-skinned, hard to miss. I was amazed. I was looking at the most tomboyish person I’d ever seen in Lagos, in Nigeria, in my life! She had black locks, medium-length with shaven sides. She was dressed in all-black, looking too sexy in all that tomboyish glory. The fact that I had to squint and stare harder to confirm if she was a boy, made me feel so happy when I realized she wasn’t. That’s how masculine she looked. How could I be looking at such an eccentric being in such an open space being so bold, dancing, and so unbothered? Just what I like. She was beautiful, a full-blown tomboy, the kind that makes you uncertain about her gender.

“How do I say hi?” I thought.

I spotted a few familiar faces from the group she was with. Most familiar was Sade, Kiki’s friend. It was great knowing I didn’t have to walk over there to make a fool of myself.

I got home and messaged my friend, Kiki, immediately. I told her I had seen Sade at the supermarket with a bunch of her other friends but I had spotted someone quite remarkable amongst them and she had to tell me who she was. Kiki told me that she was in my estate with her clique of friends to see Annie, the girl from the supermarket.

Of course, I couldn’t waste time, I asked to come to say hi the next day but not without finding out everything I could about Annie. Kiki was my girl. She told me everything. Annie was a lover of women and I……I was, am a lover of humans regardless of their gender. Something I had tried to suppress for so long but was coming back up after seeing Annie. Clearly, I had a crush.

The next day I went to Annie’s house where Kiki and her crew were having a sleepover party or something. I acted like I didn’t know anything about Annie because that was the first time I was meeting her and that would have been weird right? Kiki was surprised because she didn’t know I had great acting skills.

Annie became interested in me and asked me a lot of questions. We all talked and I found out that Sade, who was Kiki’s best friend in school, actually lived in the estate and was pretty close to Annie. The girls were nice and I had the chance to catch up with Kiki. When I was about leaving, Annie asked for my number; I almost fainted. I was so excited that she did that. It meant that maybe, just maybe, she had a crush on me too. I gave her my number and got everyone else’s number, you know, just to play off the importance of giving Annie my number. The sleepover party came to an end; we all went home.

As time went on, I got closer to Annie, seeing her almost every day after work. She was only here for the summer and had to go back to school in America. I had to fully utilize the little time she had left in Lagos. After seeing Annie one night, she dropped me at home. By now, she knew about my sexuality so she asked what my type was, and if I had ever been with a girl. I wasn’t sure if I had a type, I just knew I was attracted to her and I had never really been with a girl.

She pulled up at my house and there was that awkward silence, you know, the kind that happens right before your first kiss with someone. Yup, it was about to happen. She leaned in for a kiss, I kissed back and it was the best thing ever, as short as it was. I was sure now, I was so confident that she liked me or had a crush on me. I was gone. We had sex a few days later. I was too thrilled about it even though it felt so different because it wasn’t what I was used to but everything was perfect.

As time went on and my visits became more frequent, I noticed that Sade was always around. I was either meeting her there or she was meeting me at Annie’s. It wasn’t any problem because I got along well with Sade but I figured there was something much stronger than a friendship so I asked Annie and she told me she dated Sade about a year ago. Everything made sense but assured me nothing was going on and that they had both moved on. I believed her but what I saw occasionally, didn’t align with what she told me. It seemed like Annie hadn’t completely moved on. Her mannerisms whenever Sade was around, long stares, play fights and requests for Sade to sit on her thighs and all. Ugh, those moments made me cringe so badly.

My relationship with Sade was weird, we got along but I partly hated her. Yeah, I am a jealous person. We got a bit closer because we seemed to share similar views on many topics. She opened up to me, maybe a little too much because she told me about her and Annie. I had to act surprised of course but she also told me what I was dreading to hear. She told me that Annie was still in love with her.

I felt so played, but it made sense because I was the only one sending the mushy texts first and the “I love yous” and reminiscing on the good times we spent alone in the dark, under her sheets. The good thing was that Sade wasn’t feeling the same way and tried so many times to let Annie know to no avail. I had to act normal because Sade was unaware of all that was going on. I felt really terrible, all the texts of affection Annie sent to me, all the nudes we frequently exchanged, all the food I bought her and all the risks I took taking days off work by lying to my boss and family about my whereabouts, all wasted.

I decided to talk to her about it. I asked her countless times and in different ways if she had feelings for Sade and she couldn’t give a direct answer and it killed me every time. She kept saying she liked me. Liked?!! What was I supposed to do with that? I was sure now, so certain. I wasn’t number one and would probably never be so I told her we obviously couldn’t progress from where we were and I couldn’t be in love with someone not giving me anything back. I felt stupid, I was hurt but I had to end this fruitless situationship. It didn’t mean I’d stop seeing her, it just meant I couldn’t be as involved and we would cut off all sexual intimacy even kissing. I had been lied to and played and I didn’t like that. Annie only had a few days left in Nigeria, so I had to see her as often as I could.

On her last day in Lagos, she kissed me because we both knew she wasn’t going to be around for a while. I kissed back but it wasn’t from my heart as I had slowly started coming to terms with us not working out but I did it for that moment and she couldn’t even tell I was off.

Annie eventually left and I went into some form of depression. She made me come out fully to myself, embrace and understand who I was and then she wasn’t in love with me. She was my first love after I accepted who I truly was and I……. I was just a summer fling.

Oh, and several months later, I found out she was in a serious relationship, like she had an actual girlfriend, yup all this while. I was over it but I have to admit, I did feel a sharp pain in my chest. It hurt a bit that I was played that badly. I was baffled though, a serious relationship and she was still into Sade and she did all that with me. I felt sorry for whoever her girlfriend was. I really did.

About the Writer

I’m a 23 year old Nigerian female. I don’t like being tagged, all i know is i’m a lover of humans regardless of their gender. I’ve come out to myself and a few friends here and there. I don’t think I’ll ever come out to the world, but we’ll see how that goes. I’m currently unemployed, but I love to discuss topics that spread positive vibes and I just started writing articles but I’m working on getting better.